Letter of confession

I know I made a mistake when I choose him. I didn't ask anyone.. appa, amma, even You swami..I decided myself.. and here I'm now suffering. Not because of him, but because I'm not ready yet for any relationship. You know, I'm such a "nerd" in love now! I convinced You I didn't three years ago.

Keep pretending that I'm ready for this relation, keep telling you that he is the one without realizing You know past-present-and future about every human being. You told me "he's such a nice guy but he isn't the one, I prepared already for you, the one somewhere..just do my works in this world. I'll send him at the right time, when both of you ready". I didn't listen, Swami. I was rushing, I was blind for that appearance, that voice, that gentle, that smile.. until I couldn't hear your voice and accepted the proposal without your approval.
You know for sure I won't regret for anything I have done in the past.. I'm sorry, Swami. Help me to end it now, if it is your wish.. I can make it smoothly. I love Swami..love him..badly..pliz give me strength to face it..I'm scared..
For now on, I won't do anything. I leave it to You...
I give u all my life including my love........take care, Swami.
I dunno where is the one? I don't care, because I know you will arrange it for me..hmmm no..for us. Because I know, he must be one of the good man alive. Because I know, you will give the best among the best. Because I know, he is there somewhere, just like me have a faith in you. Because I know, he is exactly exactly the dream guy that I have told you. Because I realized... "You will give what I want, that one day I will want what you give"
I give You one of my heart, hold it....Swami. Give to him One..day..yeah..when u think I'm ready,opps..no..when do u think both of us ready.
Just give me a strength to have a single heart after three years. I can't love anyone with single heart... be beside me..when I'm going to fall..
I will do my job as a student, I will teach the children of Yours... and become the youth of Yours that strive for the welfare of human being..and become a good daughter and sister for my family, even a good friend for all my friends, which I forgot to do recently....