What is "it"??

Every one has it. Makes them special and unique among the human being.. make them useful in society.. give them pride.Seems all my friends have it, even my bro has it more than one.. my sister has a lot also.
I'm searching...searching.. through out this day... can't find till the moment I'm writing this blog..
I'm trying in the class to find..but I failed, again I though I will see it in the meeting room. Again, I'm a passive, fail again.. Some people said it's hidden.. but it's hidden too long already..
How can I survive without it???
Want to ask the 'angels', but it sounds like a stupid question??
I failed to know my self... again...again for hundred times I guess!
When I can stop the doubt>>>
When is the time it will come to me, or it will show its face....
Should I wait or search.......
So sad everytime think about it... I feel hmm stupid! hiks..hiks...
******
Today is actually Feb 11, 2009..
But I felt again..
Nowadays, my brain doesn't work properly.. I have disease or what..
Am I too busy with club's Activities?? So, I can't do my lesson properly.. becoz this isn't me.. I'm perfectionist especially in my study! Return my soul.. Return..return...