Jigsaw

In my hectif life.. he's so patient.. understand me so well but it seems... my life is not in my control anymore, yeahhh I have him to control everything. I know it's unfair for him that I work from Mon - Fri and I need to perform some meeting every Saturday and have certain activities in center on Sunday. Sometimes, he complains alot. This is not the life that I choose. But Bhagawan gives me this chance; what I can do. You come to my life, you stay there. Please support me to do Bhagawan's work, ask me what is going on in center, how is the birthday is going on. You seldom ask all of them. The only thing that u care is my present infront of the webcam, you don't care for what I have done.....

Anyway, thank u for be there eventhough I give u very little of my time

Emo

My mind and heart aren't there.. I always feel I wanna be free... I want to go here and there do something good for people or sit infront of my laptop and control my own life. PC is more than enough. Have tremendous amount of patient. I'm so bad.. I even don't have time and power to talk to him at nite.. It's just not the way of life I want to choose.

This morning.. I'm so weak..... This is always happened when I come out from that class, the class that sucks my energy :(
I don't want to be in that class... but he doesn't understand and insists me to teach.

God... I love all my students, please I love teaching as well. Please not because of that class, I QUIT.

Cloudy Saturday

Today, I’m quite relax although my mind keeps thinking about him. But I try to hide it in the deepest part of my heart and brain. I came on time, taught the students nicely, then observed the place in Malibu then his thought came again… So nice if can chat with him since I’ve arrived at home around 2 pm. But again, my heart is still painful.

Then I just take rest then watched Ganesha Chaturthi’s video with appa and amma.. Where is Nova??? :) SLEEPING

I opened my fb, it took almost 1 hour to reply all the comments, then I browsed here and there.. still I tried so hard not to think about him… so sad. This is the effect of love someone without any return. You just love him..can’t hate him at all…

I talked to amma.. for awhile just the same, amma is in his side. :(

MY MOTHER MY MOTHER :( :(

I felt so bad already, then I took bath then got his called, but still my heart is painful. Rmbr his scream yesterday night..

I tried again, to forget that but seems so hard..

I texted him twice but he didn’t replay, I called he didn’t pick up. If I’m the one that do that didn’t replay, didn’t pick… he will scold me…

But he himself also did that…

Ok, Selvia now… BLOCK HIM IN YOUR MIND, CONCENTRATE IN YOUR WORK. LET’S SWAMI HANDLE THAT. Bubbye alll… Happy Saturday Nite

Stand on the top of His legs

My evil side starts to overtake my self… I’m getting far away from Bhagawan and it seems it’s hard for me to control my emotion again. I was in training and I thought I passed. But I’m not!

No need to blame anyone on what happen to me. I myself need to make a move!

Monday – Friday

I will arrive at home basically at 8 p.m. then take my dinner, bath and pray and it should finish at 10.30 p.m. then I will talk to PC until 12 p.m. then continue to read Bhawan literature until 1 a.m. then go to sleep. Wake up at 5 a.m. getting ready 1 hour, pray and breakfast 30 min, then ol 30 min.

Saturday

I will arrive at home around 5 p.m. then take bath, dinner, pray it should be finished around 8 p.m. Prepare for SSEHV around 1 hour. 9 p.m. free time ---> either talk to PC or practice for Baba B’day.

Sunday

Bhagawan’s day

Can I follow this guideline? Swami I don’t have any idea. Now, PC involves in my life so at least he must agree, if no. I don’t know what to do.

This is so ridiculous that I see myself such an inresponsible lady. When infront of Nova, Sarika, Mewin, Rajen, Appa and Ne Krishna, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

This is weird, I’m so focus on my work at the school. I make Swami’s work the second priority. Hmm.. I’m speechless…

He never let me down.. that’s the only thing I believe. :)

Breaking Down :( :)

Every Tuesday n Thursday, I felt something… unspiritful. I know the reason. As a teacher, I know that is wrong. I shouldn’t feel like that. But this class seems out of my ability. I wish I could have tons of happiness during that time.

Today, I was late for the first time in my entire career. :( My mom advised me to get home earlier, sleep earlier and finally wake up early. Once again, I realised.. I preety much laid back since last month.

I keep talking, talking and talking. When do I want to be back to my normal morning time?? Flash back a bit, I used to wake up at 6 o’clock and go to work sharp at 7 o’clock. Now, I go at 7.25. My emotion controls me and I hate that!!!!

I used to handle Ms. Front Desk in an excellent way, but recently I’m so fed up with her. Again my emotion controls me. Baba said : “Be a master mind, don’t be a slave to your mind”.

Now only I realize the mind, I keep focusing to outside world, n it’s getting messer and messer everyday. Yesterday, talked to appa.. how some people in center, they can spend the whole Sunday for Swami’s work. From Suprabatham until night preparing for Ganesha Chaturthi. N I see that their lives is getting better especially in prosperity field. Then I remember what Swami said that when u give everything to Me, I will handle it for you.

I’m strong, I must not be lazy. I’m a SAI YOUTH. I hold Swami’s name. I need to take care that responsible. Balance, keep focus and discipline.

Again and again…

Ganesha Chaturthi

Ganesha Chaturthi is celebrated on the Chaturthi, i.e., the fourth day of Indian lunar month of Bhadrapada. It usually falls in the month of September in the English calendar. Lord Ganesha, the elephant-headed God is usually worshipped before commencing any activity in order to remove obstacles and ensure success of the endeavour. He is also the bestower of worldly intelligence and spiritual wisdom.

The festival is usually celebrated for a period for three days in Prasanthi Nilayam. On the first day, the students sing devotional songs and Stotrams (hymns) and present cultural programmes in the Divine Presence and Bhagawan grants His discourse. During the next two days, students and staff of Bhagawan’s Institutions worship idols of Lord Ganesha in their respective premises. On the third day of the festival, the idols are brought to the Sai Kulwant Hall in a grand procession of colourful and exquisitely designed chariots amidst chanting of hymns and singing of Bhajans. After offering final worship and Arati, it is customary to immerse in the idol in a nearby lake or pond as it is the belief that Lord Ganesha takes with him the troubles and the bad tendencies that act as obstacles on the spiritual path.


Excerpts from Bhagawan’s Discourses:

“Vinayaka is the master of every kind of knowledge. Learning is related to the intellect (buddhi). It is not mere scholarship. Familiarity with books is not knowledge. One's entire life is a continuous process of learning. Any process of inquiry is related to learning. But basically our inquiry should be concerned with finding out what is transient and what is permanent. This is true knowledge.



- Sanathana Sarathi, October 1995


"The Vinayaka-principle has only one meaning, which is relevant to everyone regardless of whether he is a believer or a non-believer. Vinayaka means that he is his own master, he has no master above him. He does not depend on anyone. He is also called Ganapathi. This term means he is the lord of the ganas - a class of divine entities. This term also means that he is the master of the intellect and power of discrimination in man. He possesses great intelligence and knowledge. Such knowledge issues from a pure and sacred mind. This knowledge leads to wisdom (vijnaana). Because he is the master of intelligence (buddhi) and wisdom or realisation (siddhi), he is described as the Lord of Buddhi and Siddhi. Buddhi and Siddhi are referred to as the consorts of Vinayaka.


The mouse is the vehicle of Vinayaka. What is the inner significance of the mouse? The mouse is considered as the embodiment of the sense of smell. The mouse is a symbol of the attachment to worldly tendencies (vasanas). It is well known that if you want to catch a mouse, you place a strong-smelling edible inside the mouse-trap. The mouse also symbolises the darkness of night. The mouse can see well in the dark. As Vinayaka's vehicle, the mouse signifies an object that leads man from darkness to light. Thus, the Vinayaka-principle means that which removes all the bad qualities, bad practices, and bad thoughts in men and inculcates good qualities, good conduct and good thoughts.

Another name for Vinayaka is Vigneshwara. Eashwara is one who is endowed with every conceivable form of wealth - riches, knowledge, health, bliss, beauty, etc. Vigneshwara is the promoter of all these forms of wealth and removes all obstacles to their enjoyment. He confers all these forms of wealth on those who worship him. Vinayaka is described as "the deity who should be worshipped first (prathama vandita)". Since everyone in the world desires wealth and prosperity, everyone offers the first place for worship to Vigneshwara.”

- Divine Discourse: 12 September 1991


"What is the inner significance of worshipping the elephant-faced deity? The elephant is a symbol of might and magnitude. The elephant's foot is larger than that of any other animal. The elephant can make its way through the densest jungle. In this way, it signifies the quality of a leader who shows the way for others. The elephant is also known for its faithfulness and gratitude. These are the lessons man should learn from the elephant. Intelligence without gratitude is valueless. Every man should be grateful to those who have helped him".

- Divine Discourse: 7 September 1997

ARTINYA:

Ganesha Chaturthi dirayakan pada Chaturthi, yaitu, hari keempat bulan lunar India Bhadrapada. Biasanya jatuh pada bulan September dalam kalender Inggris. Ganesha Tuhan, Allah gajah berkepala biasanya disembah sebelum memulai aktivitas apapun untuk menghilangkan hambatan dan memastikan keberhasilan dari usaha. Dia juga merupakan pemberi kecerdasan duniawi dan kebijaksanaan spiritual.


Festival ini biasanya dirayakan untuk jangka waktu selama tiga hari di Prasanthi Nilayam. Pada hari pertama, para siswa menyanyikan lagu-lagu devosional dan Stotrams (himne) dan program budaya hadir di Hadirat Ilahi dan Bhagawan memberikan wacana-Nya. Selama dua hari berikutnya, siswa dan staf penyembahan berhala Lembaga Bhagawan's Lord Ganesha di tempat masing-masing. Pada hari ketiga festival, berhala-berhala yang dibawa ke Sai Kulwant Hall dalam prosesi grand kereta warna-warni dan indah yang dirancang di tengah-tengah nyanyian himne dan menyanyikan Bhajan. Setelah menawarkan ibadah final dan Arati, adalah kebiasaan untuk tenggelam dalam patung tersebut di sebuah danau atau kolam dekat karena keyakinan bahwa Tuhan Ganesa mengajak kesulitan dan kecenderungan buruk yang bertindak sebagai hambatan pada jalan spiritual.

Kutipan dari Bhagawan's Wacana:



"Vinayaka adalah penguasa segala macam pengetahuan. Belajar adalah terkait dengan kecerdasan (buddhi). Ini bukan sekadar beasiswa. Keakraban dengan buku tidak pengetahuan. seluruh hidup seseorang adalah sebuah proses pembelajaran terus menerus. Setiap proses penyelidikan terkait dengan pembelajaran. Tapi pada dasarnya penyelidikan kita harus peduli dengan mencari tahu apa yang sementara dan apa yang permanen. Ini adalah pengetahuan yang benar.

- Sanathana Sarathi, Oktober 1995



"The Vinayaka-prinsip hanya memiliki satu makna, yang relevan untuk semua orang terlepas dari apakah dia yang beriman atau percaya. Vinayaka berarti bahwa ia adalah Tuhan sendiri, ia tidak memiliki master di atasnya. Dia tidak tergantung pada siapapun Ia juga dipanggil Ganapathi Istilah ini berarti ia adalah tuan dari Gana datang - suatu kelas entitas ilahi.. Istilah ini juga berarti bahwa ia adalah penguasa intelek dan kekuatan diskriminasi dalam diri manusia. Dia memiliki kecerdasan dan pengetahuan.. Pengetahuan semacam isu dari pikiran murni dan suci pengetahuan ini mengarah ke kebijaksanaan (vijnaana).. Karena ia adalah penguasa kecerdasan (buddhi) dan kebijaksanaan atau realisasi (siddhi), dia digambarkan sebagai Tuhan Buddhi dan Siddhi dan Buddhi. Siddhi disebut sebagai istri dari Vinayaka.

mouse adalah kendaraan Vinayaka. Apa makna batiniah dari mouse? Tikus dianggap sebagai perwujudan dari indera penciuman. Tikus adalah simbol dari lampiran ke kecenderungan duniawi (vasanas). Telah diketahui bahwa jika Anda ingin menangkap tikus, tempat Anda dapat dimakan berbau tajam dalam perangkap tikus. Tikus juga melambangkan kegelapan malam. mouse dapat melihat dengan baik dalam kegelapan. Sebagai kendaraan Vinayaka's, mouse menandakan objek yang menuntun manusia dari kegelapan kepada cahaya. Dengan demikian, berarti Vinayaka-prinsip yang menghapus semua kualitas buruk, praktek-praktek yang buruk, dan pikiran buruk pada laki-laki dan inculcates kualitas yang baik, perilaku yang baik dan pikiran yang baik.


Nama lain untuk Vinayaka adalah Vigneshwara. Eashwara adalah orang yang diberkati dengan setiap bentuk dibayangkan kekayaan - kekayaan, pengetahuan, kesehatan, kebahagiaan, keindahan, dll Vigneshwara adalah promotor dari semua bentuk kekayaan dan menghilangkan semua hambatan untuk kesenangan mereka. Dia menganugerahkan semua bentuk kekayaan pada orang-orang yang menyembah Dia. Vinayaka digambarkan sebagai "dewa yang harus disembah pertama (prathama vandita)". Karena setiap orang di dunia keinginan kekayaan dan kemakmuran, semua orang menawarkan tempat pertama untuk menyembah Vigneshwara. "


- Wacana Ilahi: 12 September 1991


"Apa pentingnya dalam menyembah dewa gajah berwajah gajah merupakan simbol kekuatan dan besarnya.? Kaki gajah adalah lebih besar dari hewan lain. Gajah dapat membuat jalan melalui hutan terpadat. Dengan cara ini , itu menandakan kualitas seorang pemimpin yang menunjukkan jalan bagi orang lain gajah ini juga dikenal karena kesetiaan dan rasa syukur.. Ini adalah pelajaran orang harus belajar dari gajah. Intelijen tanpa syukur adalah berharga. Setiap orang harus bersyukur kepada mereka yang telah membantunya ".

- Ilahi Wacana: 7 September 1997